Bucket of tears

Today I should be working…but I can’t. What I have known for a few months now is becoming a reality.

My grams is leaving me soon….yesterday the hospital said it would be hours…but she is still here – barely. She is no longer conscious and her breathing is shallow. I wish she were here in town and I would be by her side, but she’s not. She is 3 ½ hours away and I have two babies that need me.

This is a very hard day for me and one I wish didn’t have to come, but I know that it is the circle of life and nobody lives forever.

She has seen me through so much. I wasn’t a bad teenager, but one who left home at 16 and bounced around for many years. I know that she worried about me along with my parents that I wouldn’t amount to much, but she never gave up that I would turn out ok. And I did.

My grandmother came from a hard life and I do believe she enjoyed her retirement. She volunteered everywhere, but you would never know it, she didn’t brag, it was just what she did. She was Senior of the Year back in the 1990’s, she got her own car in the parade that year. She was proud and so were we.

A lot of grandchildren I think take for granted that their grandparents are there and never really get to know them. I’m guilty of that with my Mom’s mom. I have always had a strong bond with my Dad’s mom and I don’t know why. She is a hard lady to please and doesn’t suffer fools, that’s for sure. I think in some ways I’m a lot like her and I'm proud of it.

I’m going to miss her so much….getting my butt whipped at cards, hearing about her life and just generally spending time with her. I’m glad she got to meet the boys and see me get married.

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I have received the dreaded call and no coherent thoughts are being processed. I have shed my first tears, but they won’t be the last.

I love you Grams and I’m going to miss you terribly.

Thelma M Thomas - September 1, 1920 - August 2, 2007